How to Talk to Anyone written by Leil Lowndes, gives you 92 pieces of advice that will improve your social skills at the top level. By following this advice, you can become that one person in your crowd who always gets whatever he wants – thanks to the small, simple secrets.
Book Title: How to Talk to Anyone (92 Little Tricks for Big Success in Relationships)
Author: Leil Lowndes
Date of Reading: Apr 2023
Rating: 10 /10
Table of Contents
What Is Being Said In Detail:
This book is written by a communication expert, one of the most popular public speakers, who leads companies and teaches their leaders and workers about more efficient communication skills.
The fact this book is written with years of experience and research on almost every possible situation is enough to give you a picture of how it is precious and detailed.
It is divided into nine parts and contains 92 chapters and each of them gives advice. Some of them are about serious, business talks and events, but some are also about any situation – business, daily communication with the waiter, or your first date – in this book you will find advice for all of that.
Introduction: “How to Get Anything You Want from Anybody (Well, at Least Have the Best Crack at It!)”
The introduction will tell the main reason why this book was written and how: to teach you how to get everyone’s heart by giving you concrete advice, small and rememberable enough to come to your mind at the right moment, and functional enough to work for you!
Part One: “How to Intrigue Everyone Without Saying a Word”
Part One focuses on the first appearance, discussing posture and the impression you leave on someone. Of course, the first thing is about your smile and look, but you need to have on your mind how to your body, as well as your “sixth sense” that will let you know not just how you need to talk and behave with your interlocutor, but also how he experiences you.
Part Two: “How to Know What to Say After You Say Hi”
Part Two continues to lead you through your first meeting with someone important to you, in a professional or private matter. It brings a story about your first word. Okay, that one is easy, you will probably say hi, but what then? Surely, you want to avoid that unpleasant looks and silence, so here is your weapon:
- You can differentiate yourself by some unusual thing you wear, or a random hobby someone will introduce your by,
- Next, you can bring a little bit more information about your job, hometown, and daily news, which will prevent your interlocutor from being silent,
- And at the end, you need to listen to your person, and be clever to repeat their last words if you don’t know what to say at the moment or tell them to narrate a story about something interesting you already know about them if there are more people;
Part Three: “How to Talk Like a VIP”
Part Three takes a place for some deeper talks than those in the previous chapter – introducing yourself and small talks. This part gives you advice about winner talks – and each of them has the one main thing you need to put in your head – people are selfish and egoistic, and you need to talk with them like you talk with them and make it about them.
It is not the main thing how you feel about something, it is the fact you need to present your feelings and thoughts in an interesting way to your target. Nobody wants to know how boring are you about your work, they want to know what is the global pros and cons of it.
They don’t matter if you need some help, you need to make them know they are able to help and take action. Of course, you need to know your own limits and principles, so nobody is telling you that you need to talk about something you considered unimportant or inappropriate for someone to know – it is just about the method you will use to tell people that.
Part Four: “How to Be an Insider in Any Crowd”
Part Four provides various examples of serious talks about business, hot topics and so. This part will learn you how to make your interlocutor interested in your talk so you can later switch to any topic you really want to talk about.
For example, if you need to make a deal with a businessman who is eager about golf, surly you will catch some news and interesting points about golf players, and happenings in the world.
And the more difficult part, if you don’t know who is your target, or you have more of them, you need to make some weird, interesting, and clever news part of your life. It is dumb to read news only in your field of work. Read about water polo, or go bowling even if you don’t like it – because you will become an insider learning some inner parts about these sports.
Part Five: “How to Sound Like You’re Peas in a Pod”
Part Five will tell you what empathy is and how you should look like an empathic person. Usually, we say that being empathic means “putting yourself in someone else’s shoes”. That is correct, but the real question is how to do that.
This chapter provides the answer, and here is the point: you need to speak their language, not yours. Yes, you both speak English, but not that language. You need to match your keywords, feelings about those words, and the way someone talks about other people or important things in that conversation. Do it too.
And at the next level, you can speak their language not just by listening to them, but also just knowing that your interlocutor is, for example, a goalkeeper, and you use the “catch that ball” expression while speaking with him.
Part Six: “How to Differentiate the Power of Praise from the Folly of Flattery”
Part Six is about praises. Admit it to yourself, we all love people who give compliments wherever they are. And maybe you want to be that person, but when you try, it doesn’t sound good, or you didn’t get the feedback you expected. Well, there are some techniques:
- Women love compliments, and don’t let anybody changes your mind;
- You need to know when are the right place and time to throw away some sparkle if you want to sound lovely and make your target person happy;
- You are the person to, and you love to be complimented also. That is the right way to show people that – don’t lie and don’t make anyone feels dumb when they tell you some sweet words. Appreciate it and show your partner your appreciation;
Part Seven: “How to Direct Dial Their Hearts”
Part Seven speaks about your phone calls in the business. Maybe it is rare, and maybe you negotiate with it daily. Doesn’t matter, the whole impression can be very different. Dealing with someone by phone call, you can’t smile, raise your eyebrows, touch their hand, or do a body signal that you are listening to them.
But, you can make the same effect just by words. You can’t smile – sounds happy and say it. You can’t see if your target really enjoys your offer and conversation – hear from his words and tone. You don’t know if he has some other, maybe more important thing to do in that moment – ask before start talking. Make the whole impression on your speaker as you stay right in front of them – they will want to speak with you and with more people that have your attitude.
Part Eight: “How to Work a Party Like a Politician Works a Room”
Part Eight learns you about party behavior inspired by politicians. You will see some usual things that everyone does, but they are a big mistake in dealing with your target people. It takes place all, your preparation before the party – physical and mental, your entrance, body language, and other important details. The main key is to send a clear message – you are the one they want, you are the seller, but you don’t sell yourself.
Part Nine: “How to Break the Treacherous Bridge Glass Ceiling of All”
Part Nine is the final part of the book that summarizes all previous parts, and gives some new tricks usable in a more comfortable situation than the previous chapter’s advice. We mostly think that our friends’ daily conversations, deals, and services cost nothing and mean nothing, but to be the person who can win everyone’s heart, you need to start with your close ones. You can’t be disarming with your business partners and a fool to your friends or family.
Most Important Keywords, Sentences, Quotes:
INTRODUCTION: “How to Get Anything You Want from Anybody (Well, at Least Have the Best Crack at It!)”
“But wait a minute! A lot of them aren’t smarter than you. They’re not more educated than you. They’re not even better-looking! So what is it? (Some people suspect they inherited it. Others say they married it or were just plain lucky. Tell them to think again.) What it boils down to is their more skillful way of dealing with fellow human beings.”
PART ONE: “How to Intrigue Everyone Without Saying a Word”
“The way you look and the way you move is more than 80 percent of someone’s first impression of you. Not one word need be spoken.”
“When you look intently at someone, it increases their heartbeat and shoots an adrenaline-like substance gushing through their veins.7 This is the same physical reaction people have when they start to fall in love. And when you consciously increase your eye contact, even during normal business or social interaction, people will feel they have captivated you.”
“Anthropologists have dubbed eyes “the initial organ of romance” because studies show intense eye contact plays havoc with our heartbeat.”
“Hans’s Horse Sense is just that—watching people, seeing how they’re reacting, and then making your moves accordingly. Even while you’re talking, keep your eyes on your listeners and watch how they’re responding to what you’re saying. Don’t miss a trick.”
PART TWO: “How to Know What to Say After You Say Hi”
“You see, small talk is not about facts or words. It’s about music, about melody. Small talk is about putting people at ease. It’s about making comforting noises together like cats purring, children humming, or groups chanting. You must first match your listener’s mood.”
“Other than these downers, anything goes. Ask them where they’re from, how they know the host of the party, where they bought the lovely suit they’re wearing—or hundreds of etceteras. The trick is to ask your prosaic question with passion to get the other person talking.”
“Do humanity and yourself a favor. Never, ever, give just a one-sentence response to the question, “Where are you from?” Give the asker some fuel for his tank, some fodder for his trough. Give the hungry communicator something to conversationally nibble on. All it takes is an extra sentence or two about your city—some interesting fact, some witty observation—to hook the asker into the conversation.”
PART THREE: “How to Talk Like a VIP”
“How do you spend most of your time? is the gracious way to let a cadaver cutter, a tax collector, or a capsized employee off the hook. It’s the way to reinforce an accomplished mother’s choice. It’s the way to assure a spiritual soul you see his or her inner beauty. It’s a way to suggest to a swell that you reside on Easy Street, too.”
“It’s not the news that makes someone angry. It’s the unsympathetic attitude with which it’s delivered. Everyone must give bad news from time to time, and winning professionals do it with the proper attitude. A doctor advising a patient she needs an operation does it with compassion. A boss informing an employee he didn’t get the job takes on a sympathetic demeanor. Grief counselors at airports after fatal crashes share the grief-stricken sentiment of relatives. Big winners know, when delivering any bad news, they should share the sentiment of the receiver.”
“A final celebrity codicil: Suppose you are fortunate enough to have one at your party. To shine some star light on your party, don’t ask the TV host to “say a few words.” Don’t ask the singer to sing a song. What looks effortless to the rest of us because they seem so comfortable performing is work for them. You wouldn’t ask an accountant guest to look over your books. Or a dentist to check out your third left molar. Let the dignitary drink. Let the luminary laugh. Celebrities are people, too, and they like their time off.”
PART FOUR: “How to Be an Insider in Any Crowd”
“If you take a piece of blue litmus paper and dip it in a huge vat of acid, the tip turns pink. If you take another blue litmus paper and dip it into just one minuscule drop of acid on a glass slide, the tip turns just as pink. Compare this to participating in an activity just one time. A sampling gives you 80 percent of the conversational value. You learn the insider’s questions to ask. You start using the right terms. You’ll never be at a loss again when the subject of extracurricular interests comes up—which it always does.”
“All the insider terms now roll comfortably off my tongue. Before my Scramble Therapy experience, I’d be calling their beloved wrecks and reefs “sunken ships” and “coral.” Understandable words, but not scuba words. Not insider words. Upon meeting a scuba diver, I probably would have asked, “Oh scuba diving. That must be interesting. Uh, aren’t you afraid of sharks?” Not a good way to get off on the right fin with a diver.”
“A tennis player can tell immediately from just appraising your opening serve how good a player you are. Is it going to be great playing with you or a real bore? It’s the same in communicating. Just from your verbal opening serve, someone knows if it’s going to be interesting talking with you about their life or interests—or dull, dull, dull.”
PART FIVE: “How to Sound Like You’re Peas in a Pod”
“Don’t use whatever word you call your kids. Don’t even say child-protection lock, which was in your sales manual. Tell your prospect, “No toddler can open the window because of the driver’s control device.” Even call it a toddler-protection lock. When Mom hears toddler coming from your lips, she feels you are “family” because that’s how all her relatives refer to her little tyke. Suppose your prospect had said kid or infant. Fine, echo any word she used.”
“When you respond with complete sentences instead of the usual grunts, not only do you come across as more articulate, but your listener feels that you really understand.”
PART SIX: “How to Differentiate the Power of Praise from the Folly of Flattery”
“Instead of telling someone directly of your admiration, tell someone who is close to the person you wish to compliment. For instance, suppose you want to be in the good graces of Jane Smith. Don’t directly compliment Jane. Go to her close associate Diane Doe and say, “You know, Jane is a very dynamic woman. She said something so brilliant in the meeting the other day. Someday she’ll be running this company.” I place ten-to-one odds your comment will get back to Jane via the grapevine in twenty-four hours. Diane will tell her friend, “You should hear what so ’n’ so said about you the other day.””
“Everyone loves the bearer of glad tidings. When you bring someone third-party kudos, they appreciate you as much as the complimenter. Call it gossip if you like. This is the good kind.”
“Adults are all grown-up little girls and little boys. We may not go to bed sobbing if the people in our lives don’t notice when we are good. Nevertheless, a trace of those tears lingers.”
“Several months ago in one of my seminars, the group was discussing compliments. One fellow insisted that “girls don’t like compliments.” “Girls don’t like what?” I asked incredulously. He explained, “I once told a woman she had beautiful eyes. And she said, ‘Boy, are you blind.’ ” The poor chap was so wounded by her reaction, he became gun-shy and had not aimed a compliment at a female since. What a shame for womankind and what a blight on his social skills.”
PART SEVEN: “How to Direct Dial Their Hearts”
“Saying a person’s name too often in face-to-face conversation sounds manipulative. However, on the phone the effect is dramatically different. If you heard someone say your name, even if you were being jostled around in a big noisy crowd, you’d perk up and listen. Likewise, when your phone partner hears his or her own name coming through the receiver, it commands attention and recreates the familiarity the phone robs from you.”
“Only foolish callers don’t realize all spouses and secretaries have names. All spouses and secretaries have lives. All spouses and secretaries have feelings. All spouses and secretaries have influence. Deal accordingly.”
“Whenever you’re on the phone with someone, you hear a lot more than their voices. In the background you might hear dogs barking, babies crying, or a crackling sound. For all you know, the dog has his tail caught in the refrigerator, the baby has to be fed, or the house is on fire. When you acknowledge the sound by asking if they have to take care of it, you warm the hearts of your listeners.”
PART EIGHT: “How to Work a Party Like a Politician Works a Room”
“A politician’s checklist is not the usual, “Let’s see, my comb, cologne, and breath mints.” They pack more functional networking tools in their pockets or purses.”
“Controlled studies show that party goers are more comfortable approaching people who stand with an open body, arms uncrossed and hanging at their sides, legs slightly separated, a slight smile on their faces. Any object between you and the crowd is a subliminal cutoff—even your purse. More people approach a woman who sports a shoulder bag than one squeezing a handbag. The shoulder bag hangs behind her back, thus leaving the path to talk to her open.”
“Take their lead. If a prospect mentions he had Rice Krispies for breakfast, allude to it later. If, in chatting, your boss tells you she wore uncomfortable shoes to work one day, find a way to refer to it on another. If your client mentions he’s a resolute flosser, compliment him at a later date on his discipline. It hints he or she is a memorable star in the galaxy of people you’ve met.”
PART NINE: “How to Break the Treacherous Bridge Glass Ceiling of All”
“The years go by and kids become adults. Not too much changes. Adults are not as cruel, happily, about physical disabilities. But they can be brutal about social disabilities. Social disabilities are insidious because often we don’t recognize them in ourselves. We can be blind to our social handicaps and deaf to our verbal deficiencies. But we’re quick to recognize them in others.”
“Likewise in the human jungle, big cats have certain safe havens. Although unspoken, they are as secure as the tenth-century altar or a hole in the log. At clearly understood times and places, even the toughest tiger knows he must not attack. I call these “safe havens.””
“Whenever you are discussing emotionally charged matters, let the speaker finish completely before you jump in. Count to ten if you must. It will seem like an eternity, but letting the flustered fellow finish is the only way he’ll hear you when it’s your turn.”
“Remember, repeating an action makes a habit.
Your habits create your character.
And your character is your destiny.
May success be your destiny.”
Book Review (Personal Opinion):
As a person who enjoys reading and learning about social psychology, am glad for reading this book. I highly appreciate the experts in their fields who know how to simplify things and make them more understandable and memorable to anyone. This book offers you tricks that will easily and naturally come to your mind when you get in a similar situation to the one you read in this book.
This Book Is For:
- Businessmen who wants to be noticed
- Shy people who don’t know how to behave in society
- Psychological researchers
If You Want To Learn More
If you want to learn more about communication skills and this book, you can visit the official site of the author and stay informed: lowndes.com
How I’ve Implemented The Ideas From The Book
By the first pages of the book, I found a bunch of ideas and advice I can change and improve in my behavior and talks, so I started changing my body language while I walk or stay somewhere in society.
One Small Actionable Step You Can Do
Technically, all 92 steps from this guidebook are small and very actionable, so just scrolling through the book for the first time you can find the advice you will start implementing at the moment. It can be your smile that needs to be more folding than you think, or your telephone communication you need to change in order to sound more excited and interesting to your targets.